Saturday, November 07, 2009

A Blogger Gets Personal: An Early Morning Call Brings Infinite Sadness

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A Good-Bye to Our Beloved Father and Grandfather


JOSEPH KELLY
1931-2009


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With our son Max in 1992

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Grandpa Joe on a visit to Brooklyn in the late 90's


The phone rang this morning at 9 AM. It brought relief, but mostly, infinite sadness. My father-in law Joseph Kelly had just passed away in Arizona. He had been courageously battling cancer for many months.


Joseph Kelly was the very first real Brooklynite I ever met, though by the time my soon-to-be husband introduced me to his father, Joseph had left the borough long ago.
Only later, after having moved to Brooklyn myself, did I recognize his wittiness, his wonderful way of telling a story with just enough embellishment, the twinkle in his eye and his very distinctive lilt, as characteristics of the place were he was born in 1931.

He was the sweetest man and the best story teller
I have ever met. I could listen to him for hours, while he talked about his life and his beloved family. Recounting how he had met his wife Barbara in the 1950's, he would grin and say that he had met his "million dollar baby at the Five-and-Ten-Cent Store." (It was actually at the Woolworth on Fulton Street.)
He earned his living first as a bartender, and then as the owner of his own establishment, the White Shutter Inn, on the border of Bushwick and Ridgewood.
Together, Barbara and Joseph had six children. First, there were three boys and then, three girls. My husband Glenn was the oldest. Joseph worked hard to move his family to the suburbs and out of Brooklyn. As soon as he could, he bought a house in Floral Park, Long Island. But for years, he continued commuting to Brooklyn to run the White Shutter Inn.
He eventually gave the business up and worked as the manager of a Martin's Paint store nearer his home. When he retired, he followed two of his children to Arizona.

When he visited our home in Brooklyn, he always brought laughter with him. Over a cup of coffee and a slice of Junior's Cheese cake, Grandpa Joe would regale our children for hours with tales of Glenn's childhood. There was the time when Glenn had received a weather station for Christmas. When, shortly afterward, Joseph heard repeated banging from above, he knew something was up. Sure enough, his son had climbed onto the roof and had punched a hole into it in order to install the station.
Joe still laughed out loud those many years later, remembering the many challenges of raising his six kids.
It was clear that he had a special relationship with children. He could make them feel like they were the center of his universe. He understood their sadness and joined in their happiness. For years, he volunteered in a day care center in Phoenix. The kids kept him young, he would tell us.
His parenting advice to me was always the same: "Instead of being mad at them, when they misbehave, just hug them. It works every time." He was right.

I will miss his stories, his incredible blue eyes and his kindness. I share my husband's and my children's pain and wish I could ease it.

Most of all, I send my love to Scott, Kevin, Rita, Loretta and Marybeth and their families. I am thinking of you all very, very much.
Joseph's spark, kindness and spirit will live on in all of you.

And to my mother-in-law Barbara, I would like to say, that she is my hero and that I aspire to possess as much grace as she does.

Finally, I would like to express my gratitude to my two sisters-in-law Rita and Loretta, who have given so much of themselves over these last months. I can only imagine how difficult it was. My love and respect to you both.




Some More Photos Of Joe Kelly

Joe and Barbara

Joseph and Barbara Kelly in the 1950's


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A few years ago with Sophia, one of their 12 grand-children



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14 comments:

So Far... said...

this is ava. thank you for posting that. it gives me relief knowing that he was loved by everyone who knew him. i love you!

Unknown said...

Katia, what a loving tribute to Joe. He would be tickled to see it on the web! I loooved seeing those photos and thank you for capturing and expressing the way he affected those around him. We will miss him much. Hugs, tears and smiles~Rita

Kelly said...

Hi Rita and Ava,
A big, big hug to you both and to Conor, too.
I wish we were all together tonight.
I have been thinking about so many moments spent with Joe over the years. I just remembered what he used to say to Celina, when she said 'hey' to get his attention.
He would always reply: "Hay is for horses."
It makes me smile now.

Sending you all my love, Katia

Jackie said...

Am so sorry to hear of your loss. You wrote such an eloquent, heartfelt post, and Joseph surely was a wonderful man. No surprise, since his son turned out so well. The photos are great to see. Max especially looks so much like the both of them. I especially like the weather vane story. Easy to picture Glenn up on the roof, task at hand.

You and Glenn are especially generous, and thank you for sharing your family's love and loss.

Everything connected to loss of our parents is from every bit of our dna and hearts and leaves us numb. Time helps some things but never will take away the empty places. It's the love and support of our friends and family that get us through.

Anonymous said...

Your words are so touching and give a wonderful insight into Joe's life. As Rita's co-worker I will never forget the Holiday drive at work to provide gifts for a needy family. The little girls wanted an Easy Bake Oven. When we saw it was on sale at K-Mart and had spoken with the manager, Joe rushed right over to K-Mart and snatched up the Oven for the little girls. It was a very generous action.

It seems that Joe touched many lives and gave so much of himself in the touching.

My heart and prayers are with you all in this difficult time.

Anonymous said...

Joe had a quiet fortitude that seems to be a part of so many men of that time as to be uncommented on, unless it was missing. He also had a generosity, and kindness that is a blessing in any era. The world is a better place for him having been of it. Cliff

mcbrooklyn said...

Katia, so sorry to read about your loss. What a beautiful tribute to a fine man.

Anonymous said...

Hello From Afghanistan everyone

It's Jared I'll never forget Grandpa he was my hero and always will be. The most influential person I have ever met. I'm sad i wont be able to make it to his funeral but he will always be in my heart and I love you Grandpa.

Here's my email if anyone wants to email me
Thispavementisappalling@gmail.com

Katia said...

Thank you all for your kind words. I know it means a lot to Glenn and to his family. I wish you all could have met Joe. He was instantly likable and time spent with him was a real treat.

Brooks of Sheffield said...

I'm sorry for your loss, Katia.

Gina Holden said...

Dear Katia,

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time of deep sympathy.
When my mother passed away on the Monday before Thanksgiving (it will be 19 years on the 19th of November)and we buried her the day after. At her funeral Mass, the priest said something that still comforts me to this day.
He said that we should celebrate the "gift of Anna". So, I send this to you and your family. Celebrate the gift of Joe.
With my deepest sympathy,
Gina

Raised in Carroll Gardens said...

Katia & Family,

We're sorry for your loss.

Enjoy your memories & all of stories forever.

Michelle said...

Dear Family, we’re truly sorry for the passing of such a wonderful, kind and loving man.
Joe was always available with a helping hand, advice, a joke and always a smile. He was a dear friend to our family and will be missed tremendously. His love for you all was nothing less then inspirational. We love Joe and wish him peace and joy as he enters heaven. .....Love and God bless you all, The Waddell family.

Anonymous said...

To all of Joes family,
I met Joe over 16 years ago and spoke to him during his illness. He was a wonderful and caring friend. He could make you laugh with his stories and adventures. As they say another angel just got his wings.
Maddy and Mac